i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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