um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
