It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
