How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
