i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
