We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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