Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
