why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
