You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please, let me fuck your mom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
