8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm like, not good at living.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
