she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
