he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
