I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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