You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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