I can tuck mytits in my pants
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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