It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
