why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
