when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
