This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
