When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
