Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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