K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
