and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
