Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
