I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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