This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
