he wants to bone in the snuggie
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
