Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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