new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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