I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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