i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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