Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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