i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
