I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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