I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize