Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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