you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
