Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
