Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize