It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
