btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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