I bet he comes in French.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My ass is underappreciated
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
