dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
