Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
