Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
