Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
