If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
