Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
