I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
