I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
