accomplished twins. life is a go
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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