i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
