i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize