he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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