Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize