how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
