He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
