i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Houston, we have a blender
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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