I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize