Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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