drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
