Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
