This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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