? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
