Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
