One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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