hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
