Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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