She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
